He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
