she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize