Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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