im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Randomize
