I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just sucked dick on a ferry
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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