i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
