Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
