ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
