Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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