Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
