I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
