It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I could fuck to npr.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
