In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
