I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
i think i just lost a toe
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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