I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize