Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just high enough for therapy.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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