Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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