You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
