Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize