All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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