The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
