shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
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