There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
