one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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