after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
