I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
