Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
