You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
