Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
