At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
