hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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