Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
