This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Threesome in a minivan. New low
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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