So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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