I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
