Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize