he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
