worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
