We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
