you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
