There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
