I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Still dying that you shit outside
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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