how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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