just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
