dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just invented taco cereal.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
