You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
