So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
