is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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