There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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