she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
