Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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