she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm getting married
To pizza
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
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