Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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