How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
