Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
