come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
