She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Let's paint friendship bongs
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
