Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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