If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
