Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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