i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
