i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
