do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
