and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
