I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
