This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
