You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
