a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize