I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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