Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
