Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
