U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
