Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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