She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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