I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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