Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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