I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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