his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
