it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
