The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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