One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
