And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
