Umm I'm too high to move.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just high enough for therapy.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
