It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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