Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
