never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize