she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
