and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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