Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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