She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
