the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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