i don't plan on having that self control this summer
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
