I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
