i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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