Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
