fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
