your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
