I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
