we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
