Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
