dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My liver just had a heart attack.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
