Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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