:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
