i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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