I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
