Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
