ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
