i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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