first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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