So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
