I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
