I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize