Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
