I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
